


taking chances

by buvkissteves



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Bucky Barnes Needs a Hug, Explicit Sexual Content, Identity Issues, Identity Porn, Identity Reveal, M/M, Post-Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Steve Rogers Needs a Hug, Top Steve Rogers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-13
Updated: 2020-12-13
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:41:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,096
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28047117
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buvkissteves/pseuds/buvkissteves
Summary: Bucky didn’t know if what he was doing was wrong or right, he just knew that it had to be done. He knew that he had to get close to Steve, figure him out, figure himself out. He knew that he could only be with Steve once his mind was working a little better. He would never be perfect, but asking to be a little bit better was not unrealistic.He had a plan. A plan to get them back to being SteveBucky. BuckySteve. One unit.
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 6
Kudos: 113
Collections: Star Spangled Secret Santa 2020





	taking chances

**Author's Note:**

  * For [crescendohh](https://archiveofourown.org/users/crescendohh/gifts).



“I think you should try online dating.”

Steve Rogers, who was usually a well put together person, choked on his food. His best friend, Sam Wilson, thumped him unenthusiastically on the back and was very obviously not trying to hide his grin. Clearly, he was pleased with himself for catching Steve off guard.

Once he swallowed, Steve looked at him incredulously. They were eating in the new Avengers facility, Ultron weeks behind them now, taking a break from training. Sam looked far more relaxed than Steve (even though Sam was the one who was training to be an Avenger), but somehow that was just Sam’s natural state.

“Try _what_?”

“Online dating,” Sam twirled some spaghetti around his fork, shoving it into his mouth. “That’s what all the kids are doing these days.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not a kid.”

“No,” Sam agreed. “But you’re lonely.”

Steve smiled lightly, hoping his voice was cheerful enough to brush off the comment. “I’m way too busy to date anyone, Sam. Besides, I wouldn’t even know _how_ to online date. Plus...” his mouth almost ran away from him for a moment. He was about to express the real truth, that he was still waiting for someone else to come back to him, no matter how unrealistic that might be. “Plus, not everyone is meant to find someone.”

“You’re right.” Sam’s voice was careful. “Not everyone is meant to find someone. Some people are even happy with that. But I know you. Maybe not as well as _he_ did but—”

Steve really, _really_ , didn’t want to talk about this. About him. Like it was a normal breakup or something that everyone in the world had gone through. Not many people lose the love of their life in a war, and then get to see them again, only for the person to take off because he can’t remember you. “Please, don’t.”

But Sam, relentlessness because he cared so deeply, continued, “Steve, don’t you think he would want you to be happy?”

“He isn’t dead Sam.”

“No, he’s not. But he’s also not here, either. Don’t you think you deserve someone?”

 _Yes,_ Steve thought, _I do. And I’m waiting for him._ “I don’t think I deserve anything.”

“You know, you don’t always come off as humble Steve. Sometimes you’re just self-deprecating and stubborn.”

“Why?” Steve asked seriously now, pushing away his plate. He was annoyed, not with Sam but with his life, and the way it had turned out. Although he had people—friends, family—whom he loved, his heart was with Bucky Barnes. It was unfair, the hand that they had been dealt with. “Why is it stubborn to wait for him?”

“Because he might not ever come back. And you don’t even bother trying to love anyone else.”

“I can’t control who I love.”

“No, but you can make the choice to at least broaden your horizons. I’m not saying you have to get married tomorrow, I’m just saying to take a chance. Take a risk. Realize that maybe someone can love you differently. Properly. In a _healthy_ way.”

“We’re Avengers. There’s nothing healthy about how we live.”

“ _Stubborn_.”

Steve sighed. “I don’t mean to be.”

“I know man, I do.” Sam put a hand on Steve’s shoulder. Steve wanted to reach out and grab his hand, hold onto it so tightly that it would hurt him, but he didn’t. He knew that if he did, Sam would see just how much the conversation was affecting him, and, quite frankly, he wasn’t sure that he could stomach that. “You know, I’m only saying this because I care.”

“I know,” Steve mumbled. “I know.”

Saving him, Wanda walked into the room, smiling at them gently. “Sorry,” she said. “But Rhodey would like to know if we are starting back up again.”

“Yes,” Steve got up quickly. “I’m coming.”

* * *

The rest of the day had seemed to pass at a sluggish speed, and Steve had no idea on how he could speed it up. He tried his best to keep the Avengers training all afternoon just so he could be alone with his thoughts, but unlike him, they didn’t have unlimited stamina. So eventually, it came time to stop, and everyone went into their own rooms to shower or eat, and Steve had to do the same. He almost followed Nat and Sam, but they looked like they wanted to be alone, so he let them be too.

Steve hated being alone with his thoughts.

In the shower, he allowed himself to relax, for the water to roll over him and take away the busyness of his brain. It was louder than usual today, especially after that conversation with Sam. He couldn’t handle it, he wanted to sleep, to escape, but he couldn’t go anywhere or do anything because it would be too suspicious and people would think he was losing his mind.

Hey, maybe he was. How many poets said that love made people go insane? That it drove them to the darkest parts of their mind? That it made them become someone else?

 _You’re being overdramatic,_ he told himself.

Steve sighed and stepped out of the shower, drying himself off quickly and putting on some pyjama pants before walking into his bedroom. He would make dinner for himself after. He was always hungry anyhow, so it wouldn’t really matter when he would eat.

Steve got on his bed and put his legs under his covers, his back against the pillow that was leaning on his frame. He was staring at the app for men on his phone, _Grindr,_ and punched in a username and a password. He sighed, munching on his lower lip and feeling queasy.

 _It doesn’t mean you don’t love him,_ Steve reminded himself. _You’re just seeing what’s out there._

He quickly put in a standard photo of himself and began to fill out his profile.

It was a strange thing for him, to be so in love with someone, but also know that maybe, just maybe, he had to move on. While Steve had always been a hopeful person, he also knew that his life was a series of unfortunate events, and it was very possible that Bucky might not ever come back to him.

Possible. But was he willing to accept it?

 _You must be,_ he thought bitterly, _if you are so willing to move on._

Except, he wasn’t moving on just yet (nor would he call himself willing). He was just looking. Window shopping. Seeing if his heart could be held by someone else. It was possible. He had always loved Bucky but had a crush on Peggy (when he admitted his guilt to Bucky, his lover had laughed and laughed, because it was okay to occasionally find someone attractive).

And maybe he didn’t have to have a relationship with someone. It was also okay to not form any emotional connection and just keep it physical. After all, it had been a _long_ time since he had been touched, or wanted, or held. Was it so bad to want to feel someone else’s arms around him? Even if he had to pretend it was someone else?

Steve sighed, pausing over the _Save Profile_ button.

_It doesn’t mean you don’t love him._

He clicked _Save._

* * *

The Asset—no, The Winter Soldier— _no_ , _my name is James Bu...Barnes. Bucky Barnes._ _His friend. Bucky Barnes. Buck—_ he ran his dirty hands through his somehow dirtier hair more than once, pulling on the ends, almost enough to hurt, as he stared through the window of the mission— _no, his name. Captain Am...Steven Grant...no. Steve Rogers. His friend. Steve Rogers. Stevie—_

They knew each other. He knew that now. It wasn’t...the knowledge wasn’t perfect, but he knew him. They were best friends. No. Something more. Or they could be, or they were, or maybe it was all the same. Everything was so broken and jumbled inside of Bucky’s head, because he still jumped so quickly from The Winter Soldier to the Sargent, to Bucky Barnes. But those last two were close together, almost the same. All three had one thing in common:

Steve Rogers.

He watched as Steve typed away furiously on his phone, his brow creased, his hair wet and slicked away from his face. Bucky had been here all day, watching and listening and learning. He thought it laughable that no one had caught him yet, that the Avengers facility prided themselves on Stark’s technology, but no one saw him get past the security, and no one had noticed him prowling the grounds all day.

Bucky was very good at what he did.

It allowed him to be close to Steve, to learn more about him, for his brain to somehow hurt and relax all at the same time. Hurt as he tried to remember, and relax as he put more pieces together. But sometimes, the hurt was so intense that it made it almost impossible for him to function. He had to close his eyes, step away, focus on not hurting himself or others just so he could remember how to breathe.

Right now, with the darkness settled around him, and Steve Rogers sitting in his bed looking so much like _home,_ it was definitely one of those times. Bucky wanted to climb through the window of the facility and bury himself inside of the bed and allow himself the pleasure of being beside Steve.

He remembered, somewhat, the warmth that came with Steve. Every once in a while he remembered the _before_ when they were SteveBucky, BuckySteve, when they couldn’t exist without the other. When one _was_ the other. When it was cold and they kept warm under blankets. When Steve drew him and Bucky showed off his nakedness so Steve could draw him properly. Sometimes the Soldier remembered these moments so clearly that it hurt him and made him go backward and protect his mind because it _hurt, it hurt, it hurt so much_...

He couldn’t stay here anymore.

* * *

_**YOU HAVE 27 NEW MESSAGES** _

Steve sighed. He should have figured that this would have happened since he was using his real name and face. He didn’t like the idea of lying, but he also didn’t like the idea of everyone seeing him on a dating app. He felt awkward, and weird, even though he knew he shouldn’t. His feelings were a complicated whirl of emotions.

He opened up his inbox and looked at some of the names and messages, immediately deleting all the ones that had any unsolicited dick pictures. He scrolled down and down until one name caught his eye.

**Gabe Jones.**

The coincidence was unsettling. Although both names were likely very common, he was always surprised when someone _new_ had the name of someone he used to know. Curiosity more than anything made him click on the message. It opened up, and before he read the message he clicked on the profile of Gabe. The profile wasn’t filled out much except for the basics, like birthday, height, and weight. The profile picture was interesting since only half of the man’s face was showing. Or, rather, less than half. He was wearing a cheap Iron Man mask, ones that kids could wear, and was lifting it halfway up his face, just so the viewer could see some stubble and a very nice shape of lips. It sent a twinge of guilt through Steve’s heart when he realized how _nice_ those lips looked. But besides his lips, chin, messy dark hair, neck, and collarbones, Steve couldn’t see anything else.

He went back to his message to read what it said, sighing sadly.

 **GJ** : _Isn’t it a little dangerous for Captain America to be on a dating website?_

Steve smiled, enjoying the direct way this Gabe Jones seemed to speak.

**SR:** _We_ _ll, I have always been known to walk right on the edge of danger._

Gabe Jones must have been online because he responded almost immediately. **GJ:** _I bet your bosses don’t like that._

**SR:** _My bosses don’t know everything about me, neither do my teammates. Unless that mask you’re wearing is your way of telling me you’re secretly Tony Stark in disguise._

**GJ:** _I just needed a mask. Too many people make first impressions on physical appearances._

**SR:** _Believe me, I know all about that._

**GJ:** _So why show your face then? You have to know people will want you only because you’re Captain America._

**SR:** _I don’t like lying._

**GJ:** _Truth and justice is the American way, huh?_

**SR:** _Something like that._

**GJ:** _Is that all there is to Captain America? Truth and justice? Or are there some dark secrets the public doesn’t know about?_

**SR:** _We all have secrets, don’t we?_

**GJ:** _Normal people do, sure._

**SR:** _And I’m not normal?_

**GJ:** _I was under the impression that you were something more impressive._

**SR:** _Then I’m afraid I’m going to be a great disappointment._

**GJ:** _Somehow I doubt that._

Steve actually smiled, biting down on his lip thinking about what to say next. However, Gabe Jones saved him from having to think too hard.

**GJ:** _How long has it been since you had a date?_

**SR:** _An embarrassingly long amount of time. I hope I don’t lose any points for that._

**GJ:** _No, you don’t. It’s been years since I’ve been on a date too. Just don’t seem to have the time. Or patience. Or mental capacity._

**SR:** _I understand that._ _I prefer that, actually. Means we can talk and talk as much as we want. No pressure._

**GJ:** _No pressure._

While there was certainly no pressure, and Steve and Gabe spoke for _hours,_ Steve could not erase the guilt he felt with every passing minute. He laughed quietly to himself, smiled more than once, even occasionally flexed his muscles and decided to flirt here and there. It excited him and made him feel awful all at once. They spoke about nothing important, talked about insignificant details about their life and the world around them. Steve preferred it that way. It made him feel like he didn’t have to worry about what he said, even though he felt nervous about _everything_ he said.

If this conversation was teaching him anything, it was that he would be a very anxious online dater.

* * *

**SR:** _What do you do?_

**GJ:** _Nothing important._

**SR:** _Come on, you know what I do._

**GJ:** _I’m an agent._

**SR:** _FBI?_

**GJ:** _Not really. Sort of. Classified. More of a seventh date kind of reveal._

**SR:** _We haven’t even had a first date yet, and you’re going to make me wait all the way until the seventh?_

**GJ:** _I have to make sure you’re worth it._

**SR:** _How am I doing so far?_

**GJ:** _No complaints..what about you? Do you like being an Avenger?_

**SR:** _Sure. I like helping people. I like my team. But sometimes I miss the old days. Not for what they were or what happened, but because I miss my people._

**GJ:** _That sounds lonely._ _I’ve lost people too though, and no matter what century you’re from, it sucks._

**SR:** _I’m sorry to hear that._

**GJ:** _It’s okay. We move forward._

**SR:** _We do. That’s why I’m here._

* * *

Bucky didn’t know if what he was doing was wrong or right, he just knew that it had to be done. He knew that he had to get close to Steve, figure him out, figure _himself_ out. He knew that he could only be with Steve once his mind was working a little better. He would never be perfect, but asking to be a little bit better was not unrealistic.

_He had a plan. A plan to get them back to being SteveBucky. BuckySteve. One unit._

* * *

**SR:** _Dinner and a movie, maybe a long walk somewhere. Or having cotton candy on a ferris wheel._

**GJ:** _God, I should have known._

**SR:** _What does that mean?_

**GJ:** _I_ _t just seems very on brand that you’d like something like that for a first date. It’s very...well, it’s very golden boy Captain America of you._

**SR:** _Well fine, what’s yours then?_

**GJ:** _Dinner and dancing. Always. Women love to dance and men love it too, they just pretend that they don’t._

**SR:** _So you’re a good dancer then?_

**GJ:** _I think so._

**SR:** _What do you mean you think so?_

**GJ:** _I haven’t gone dancing in a long time. Sometimes it feels like I even forgot how to do it, you know what I mean? Like you remember riding a bicycle but then you get on, and it feels foreign to you? That’s dancing. I used to do it all the time, and then I guess everything went to shit, so I haven’t gone in a while._

**SR:** _Maybe whenever we have that first date, we can take a dance._

**GJ:** _I might step on your feet._

**SR:** _I_ _might let you._ _  
  
_

* * *

**GJ:** _So, should we have the dreaded ex talk?_

**SR:** _Now, that should really be the seventh date talk._

**GJ:** _We’ve been talking for_ _two weeks already_ _! This isn’t classified information like my job. Lay it on me Rogers._

**SR:** _I don’t really have an ex._

**GJ:** _How is that even possible?_

**SR:** _I was in love once. Only once. He died._

**GJ:** _It’s that guy in the museum, isn’t it? Bucky Barnes?_

**SR:** _Yeah. I’m sorry though, I don’t really like talking about him. It hurts. He died a long time ago to others, but I haven’t actually been without him very long. So it’s kind of difficult for me._

**GJ:** _I_ _get it. But, no offense, if you feel that way, why are you on this site?_

**SR:** _A friend of mine thinks I need it._

**GJ:** _And what do you think?_

**SR:** _I think I have a very good friend._

**GJ:** _But are you ready to move on?_

**SR:** _Honestly, I don’t know. I think it might be one of those things that I’ll only know when I’m in the moment._ _What about you?_

**GJ:** _I had a couple of flings, nothing serious, always physical before I had a long term boyfriend. Didn’t work out. All the forces in the universe got together to destroy that._

**SR:** _The entire universe huh? That couldn’t have been good._

**GJ:** _I’ll tell you something Rogers. I’m used to it._

**SR:** _Hopefully your luck changes soon._

**GJ:** _Rogers, my luck changed the moment you answered my message._

* * *

“ _Ouch, Steve...”_

“Sorry, I need to talk to you.”

“In _here_?” Sam rubbed his arm from where Steve had pulled him in. They were standing in a broom closet like they were boys in high school. Sam looked like he wanted to laugh, whereas Steve felt like he would start sweating through his shirt just from anxiety. Since it was a pretty small closet, this was one of the only places JARVIS didn’t have access to (it just wasn’t necessary). And Steve didn’t want anyone listening to him, not even a computer. Sam, and only Sam, was allowed access to his personal life.

Steve swallowed. “I have a crush.”

Sam kept his expression very carefully controlled. Steve could see he was trying very hard not to smile, but also seemed very concerned about him. That expression summed up who Sam was in a nutshell. “Who is the lucky person?” he asked.

Steve spoke quickly, feeling overwhelmed, and oddly close to tears. “I don’t know. I tried your online dating thing, so I just..I mean we’ve been talking for a few weeks now, but...I think I actually like him.”

Sam gently placed his hand on Steve’s shoulder, squeezing it in comfort. When he spoke, his voice was solemn, like he was offering Steve his condolences. “That’s great Steve.”

That’s all it took for whatever control Steve had to boil over. “Is it? I mean, is it really? Because it doesn’t feel great Sam. It feels awful. I feel like I’m disrespecting him.” He put his head in his hands, frustration twisting his stomach. Tears burned in his eyes, and as he cried into his hands, he felt an overwhelming amount of love when Sam closed the distance between them and wrapped his arms around Steve.

“You aren’t Steve,” he said softly. “You’re just moving on. You’re moving forward. You’re not keeping yourself in the ice anymore.”

For a few moments, Steve let those words settle in him. He pulled back, shaking his head and wiping his eyes as he tried to meet Sam’s gaze. “I don’t know who I am without him.”

“Well, who knows. Maybe this person will help you figure that out. What’s his name?”

“Gabe Jones, which is weird enough since we both knew a guy named that back in the war.”

“Life is funny that way.”

“Funny. Yeah.”

“Hey,” Sam tapped the side of Steve’s face. “Everything will be okay.”

Steve didn’t know what else to say. He wasn’t sure that anything he said would really sum up how he was feeling. The dread. The excitement. The anticipation. The guilt. So instead, he grabbed Sam and pulled him in for a bone-crushing hug. They stood in the closet together, Sam holding Steve up.

* * *

**GJ:** _I think we should meet in person now. I’m ready._

**SR:** _What makes you think I am?_

**GJ:** _I’m hoping you’ll want to take a chance._

**SR:** _Believe me, I’ve been taking chances since I got here._

**GJ:** _So what do you say Rogers? Ready to meet the man behind the mask?_

**SR:** _You bet. When and where?_

* * *

Steve stood in front of the apartment door in Brooklyn, New York. It felt familiar and strange all at once. Familiar because this was home, this city, these people. Strange because he had a date with someone who wasn’t Bucky Barnes, and still someone that he actually liked. He wanted to cry. He wanted to scream. He wanted to take Gabe Jones out on the best date ever instead of meeting at this apartment.

Steve Rogers wanted so much.

He straightened out his dress shirt and ran two hands through his short hair, exhaling shakily.

 _It doesn’t mean you don’t love him_.

Steve knocked on the door.

He counted to eight before someone answered. And the someone was definitely not someone named Gabe Jones.

There were very few moments in Steve’s life where he literally felt the entire world crash around him. He could count them on his fingers: when his parents died, when Bucky died, when he came out of the ice when he saw Bucky on the bridge, and right now, this moment.

“Bucky?” Steve breathed.

“Get in.” Bucky grabbed Steve by the shirt and pulled him inside. “Did anyone see you?”

“What?” Steve asked, shaking his head. He watched Bucky close the door and turn toward him, feeling lightheaded. Reaching out, he put his hands on Bucky’s face, cradling that beautiful head in his hands like he was breakable. Because they were. They were super soldiers but they were breakable. They had been broken so many times before, after all.

“Did anyone see you?” Bucky asked again, his hands closing around Steve’s wrists. Steve was stunned by his beauty. By his sparkling eyes. How did they still sparkle after all this time?

“No,” Steve whispered. “No. Bucky. You...you’re Gabe Jones?”

“Yeah, I’m sorry.” Bucky sighed. “I...I’m not always _me._ I needed a way to talk to you while I figured myself out. While I got ready. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologize.”

“Are you sad it’s me and not him?”

“Oh, Buck,” Steve shook his head sadly. “I’ve only ever wanted you.”

They had to talk, they both knew that they had to talk. But life had made sure that it always stripped them of time, and they both didn’t want to lose out on this moment, here and now. There was so much to do, so much to say, but all they could feel right now was each other. When their lips collided, it was hungry and all-consuming. They ripped off each other’s clothes, because that was familiar in so many ways, even though both of their hearts were beating out of their chests from the anxiety of it all. It had been so long, it had been so terribly long. And it wasn’t that they missed sex, it was that they had missed each other, and words could come when their heads made more sense, but this, this might be their only chance to reconcile this way.

Steve felt like his entire body was on fire. They didn’t even make it to the bedroom, instead, they fell to the floor, their hands greedily roaming each other’s bodies, mapping out new scars they had never seen on one another before. Steve kissed every single scar he could find, taking longer with the tissue that had been damaged where skin met metal.

“Are you okay?” Steve whispered, their bodies hot against one another.

Bucky nodded quickly. “Yes and no. But this, this is okay.”

“Are you sure because I don’t—”

“Steve,” Bucky whispered, his tone so broken and fragile that it tore Steve’s heart in two. “Please, don’t think. Just love me. I missed you so much.”

“Okay, okay,” Steve murmured, his head swirling from love, pain, and pleasure all rolling together inside of him. “Condom.”

“I’ve been tested and you’ve only been with one man your entire life.” Bucky’s mouth twitched.

Steve smiled broadly, kissing him deeply before sucking on his own fingers and opening Bucky up. Bucky pulled away to groan, his forehead creasing from pain. Steve opened his mouth to apologize, and almost took his finger out of Bucky but the love of his life stopped him, his hand clamping down on Steve’s wrist.

“It’s okay,” Bucky promised him. “It’s been a long time.”

“Bucky...”

“Don’t think.”

Steve stopped kissing him as he continued to open Bucky up, taking complete pleasure in all of the expressions that Bucky made, some old and familiar, some new and exciting. He took his time, going slow, in an almost torturous way that he knew the old Bucky would have hated, but knew that this new Bucky needed. Bucky’s hand never left Steve’s wrist, and that somehow made it more romantic.

“Are you ready?” Steve asked

Bucky nodded. “Yeah, yeah,” he murmured. “Kiss me though, please. Steve, I can’t. I _miss you_.”

“Okay Buck, okay.” Steve did as he was told, lining himself up and pushing in slowly before crashing his mouth on Bucky’s, swallowing up his moan. Their kiss was passionate and desperate, and almost painful, Bucky using his arms to crush Steve to him as Steve pushed in. Long, tired groans came out of Bucky the entire time, Steve’s head swimming with anxiety that he was causing Bucky harm, but Bucky didn’t seem too concerned.

For a moment, Steve was still, in Bucky completely but giving him a moment to adjust. It was painful for him too, to not move, but when Bucky was ready he dug his heels into Steve’s ass, pushing him in deeper.

Steve chuckled against Bucky’s lips and moved to kiss his jaw and his neck, starting to move slowly, Bucky moving with him. They stared into each other’s eyes, Bucky’s sparkling with desire, and Steve with tears in his.

“It’s okay Steve.” Bucky leaned forward, kissing a tear that escaped. “We’re safe.”

Steve whimpered and nodded, kissing him again before he began to pick up speed, his head moving so it could rest by Bucky’s neck. He gave into all his desires, moving quickly with short thrusts, shivering as Bucky’s metal hand came between them so he could tug at himself as Steve picked up his pace.

“Fucking hell Steve,” Bucky’s back arched as Steve hit that sweet spot.

“Yeah,” Steve agreed, his head cloudy.

“Faster,”

Steve could definitely do _that_. He replaced Bucky’s metal hand with his own shaking one, picking up his thrusts as he did so. It was messy, unpracticed from having been alone for so long, but both of them were too high from the pleasure to care. Even the sound of their skin slapping against each other was enough to send Steve over the edge. When he did, he whimpered into Bucky’s neck, and when Bucky came a minute later, he practically sobbed as he kissed every part of Steve’s skin that he could reach.

Steve collapsed on top of him, trying to catch his breath, which for him shouldn’t have been this hard. But this was _Bucky_. And everything made no sense, and yet, at the same time, them being together in this moment made all the sense in the world, no matter how strange it was that they were out of time and out of place. What mattered was their place was here, together, in each other’s arms.

Steve rolled off of him to get on his back, but Bucky was reluctant to have the comfort of Steve’s body leave him. So as Steve went on his back, Bucky rolled to his side, moving so that his head was on Steve’s chest, his arm strewn over his body. Steve wrapped an arm around him, smiling softly to himself.

“I love you,” Steve told him. “I missed you.”

“I miss you,” Bucky murmured. Steve didn’t have to ask what that meant. He knew what it was. It was: _I’m still having trouble coming back to myself, so that makes me miss you even though you’re here with me. Because this can all disappear._

Steve didn’t need the clarification. He knew he was right.

“Steve,” Bucky whispered. “Where do we go from here?” It was a loaded question. It was: _where do the Avengers fit in, where do I fit in with the Avengers, how do we tell people, the world. How does The Winter Solider exist alongside Captain America?_

“I don’t know pal,” Steve kissed his hair. “But wherever we go, we go together.”

Bucky brought his face up, moving it so he could kiss Steve again. “Never let me go again,” he begged. He meant it every which way—physically, mentally, emotionally. He never wanted to be parted from Steve Rogers ever again.

“Never,” Steve promised. “We’re together Bucky, until the end of the line.”

Bucky would never tire of hearing that. “I love you,” he whispered. There was no more fear anymore, only love. Love because this was it for both of them. There was no one before, and no one after. And both Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers were perfectly okay with that.

**Author's Note:**

> hope you enjoyed :)


End file.
